Everyone here is a cloud

Things are both good and bad and neutral.

Things with Alison are neutral at best. She keeps calling me and asking me for things. It's like she only cares to talk to me when she wants something. It really hurts my feelings to know that she was too busy to see me before she left, unless she wants me to drive her somewhere, when suddenly she has time. She told me that I was the only one who ever saw through her front to 'the real her', but now I see what I think is the real her. But that's ok, because we aren't seeing each other anymore and we had fun. She's not going to ruin my life, and I'm not going to ruin hers. What makes me the most sad is that we both know that.


Things with Sarah, are, as always, bad. Today we talked for a bit. Cloud cult is playing in Columbus tonight and Cleveland tomorrow and I'm not going to either one. I may go to Columbus, but probably not. No, and I cannot go to Cleveland. Seeing her with drew at a Cloud cult gig would be.... weird and hard to deal with. I hope it hurts her as much as it would hurt me. Today I found out that she is in fact human, that is, has flaws. She couldn't kick smoking either. She tried to act like she was being nice when I asked about her tape deck too, and that really pissed me off. "I paid fifteen for it so I'll let it go for like.. five and a pack of smokes or something." I wanted so badly to say FUCK YOU YOU PAID FIVE DOLLARS FOR THAT AND HAVE OWED ME SIXTY FOR MONTHS, but I settled for the much more appropriate 'Yeah that's cool.'

Things are good somewhere though!! And that is Nardie. We hung out last night and it was great. I didn't try to kiss her or anything, but there was no awkward 'should I kiss her or not' BS going on. I think we're both a little emotionally damaged, and it was nice to just have a friend to hang out with and watch cartoons. Plus I really actually like this girl. The last few ladies I have seen have been.... below my standards. Believed in god, loved Dave Mathews Band, poster from 'The Dark Knight', etc etc etc. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I meet a girl who likes Grouper, Wu Tang, atheism, feminism, liberalism, Tarentino, and is going to teach me how to build an external hard drive, I should probably try to impress her, or something. =] I'm pretty sure she's into me though. Right?




Also, I just looked through my old posts. I was a whiny little whore huh? Guess I still kind of am, but I mean, it's a blog, deal with it. Suddenly I realize that medication really has been helping me, and I feel awesome suddenly. Cool.