Female somewhere between 13-17

so according to this, "thepsychoatomicovermind.blogspot.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 13-17 years old. The writing style is personal and happy most of the time."



UM. ok?


I don't think this is accurate.
Anyway, update on life?
Been hanging out with this girl and I think she rules. She thinks I rule. Got a new job, I start tomorrow. May have my car sold. Buying a fucking synth.

Story Of A Girl

So... there's this lady. And I'm scared shitless of her.
I don't know why. I really like her, I think she likes me too, but something about her makes me so nervous. The last few ladies I've been with didn't have any real relationship potential, but this girl is.... awesome. Maybe that's why I'm so scared to kiss her.
:Insert embarrassed face here:


Whatever, thing is I really like her, I just hope she likes me too.

Why is it

That when I'm with a girl I don't really like all that much, I'm confident and smart and know exactly what to say.
BUT
When I'm hanging out with a girl I really like, I get super nervous and trip over my words and am afraid to even touch her, let alone try to kiss her?

DRIVIN ME CRAZZZZY

Everyone here is a cloud

Things are both good and bad and neutral.

Things with Alison are neutral at best. She keeps calling me and asking me for things. It's like she only cares to talk to me when she wants something. It really hurts my feelings to know that she was too busy to see me before she left, unless she wants me to drive her somewhere, when suddenly she has time. She told me that I was the only one who ever saw through her front to 'the real her', but now I see what I think is the real her. But that's ok, because we aren't seeing each other anymore and we had fun. She's not going to ruin my life, and I'm not going to ruin hers. What makes me the most sad is that we both know that.


Things with Sarah, are, as always, bad. Today we talked for a bit. Cloud cult is playing in Columbus tonight and Cleveland tomorrow and I'm not going to either one. I may go to Columbus, but probably not. No, and I cannot go to Cleveland. Seeing her with drew at a Cloud cult gig would be.... weird and hard to deal with. I hope it hurts her as much as it would hurt me. Today I found out that she is in fact human, that is, has flaws. She couldn't kick smoking either. She tried to act like she was being nice when I asked about her tape deck too, and that really pissed me off. "I paid fifteen for it so I'll let it go for like.. five and a pack of smokes or something." I wanted so badly to say FUCK YOU YOU PAID FIVE DOLLARS FOR THAT AND HAVE OWED ME SIXTY FOR MONTHS, but I settled for the much more appropriate 'Yeah that's cool.'

Things are good somewhere though!! And that is Nardie. We hung out last night and it was great. I didn't try to kiss her or anything, but there was no awkward 'should I kiss her or not' BS going on. I think we're both a little emotionally damaged, and it was nice to just have a friend to hang out with and watch cartoons. Plus I really actually like this girl. The last few ladies I have seen have been.... below my standards. Believed in god, loved Dave Mathews Band, poster from 'The Dark Knight', etc etc etc. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I meet a girl who likes Grouper, Wu Tang, atheism, feminism, liberalism, Tarentino, and is going to teach me how to build an external hard drive, I should probably try to impress her, or something. =] I'm pretty sure she's into me though. Right?




Also, I just looked through my old posts. I was a whiny little whore huh? Guess I still kind of am, but I mean, it's a blog, deal with it. Suddenly I realize that medication really has been helping me, and I feel awesome suddenly. Cool.

I want To Break Your Heart Into A Thousand Pieces

2011

this whole year has been a shit storm. 5 months in and the only times I have felt truly happy, or even alive have been when I was crying, sleeping, going deaf, or being hurt.

The inner surface of the
pitcher is smooth, and insects
which enter are drowned in
the water present in the bottom
of the pitcher and are
digested by enzymes secreted
by special glands in the wall

The more alone I feel, the more masochistic tendencies I develop. I want to get into a fight

Sometimes

I just want to jump off of a fucking bridge

Bittersweet

Goodbyes are never fun. Usually they hurt. But sometimes.... It's not all bad. I've never said goodbye to someone I cared about and walked away happy, until last night. It's funny. When someone tells you that you are pure, and your greatest trait is purity of being, and then walks away from your life, you'd expect to be sad. When it's someone who you realize has never let anyone but you into their heart, no matter how many people they have let into their bed, you'd expect to be devastated, but somehow I can only think about how we'll always have paris.
When one door closes, another opens...

Scanner

We had a nice conversation, until I mentioned her name.
Suddenly you had nothing to say.
You wanna know a secret?
I did it on purpose.
Because I'm jealous.
Of you and your perfect fucking life that I am not a part of.
I'm jealous of your family, your brain, your apartment, your friends and your mac. I'm jealous of your body and your life. I'm jealous of your confidence and your happiness. I wish I was more like you.

Dreams/Sickness

Hard as I try, I STILL can't get you out of my head. You still haunt my subconscious and I'm terrified of having to talk to you again. When it has to happen, I just hope I don't freak out and run away like I did in my dream.

In other news I'm sick as hell. I should be resting, but I'd rather go party and be sociable. =\ Why do I do this to myself?

Lovers and Liars

Today was one of the first days where my mind wasn't obsessed with you. I can finally focus on other things. Friends, and a new lady. I can finally find peace.
But you image still haunts me and if I ever see you again I will probably break down. Your voice could still destroy me, you pictures still make me cry, but I'm learning to deal.
Soon, you'll be out of my life forever and we'll forget all about each other. What I was once so afraid of happening I am now hoping for desperately. I want to not remember what your face looks like. The same face that I used to see plastered on every girl I saw.
Who are you again?