I want To Break Your Heart Into A Thousand Pieces

2011

this whole year has been a shit storm. 5 months in and the only times I have felt truly happy, or even alive have been when I was crying, sleeping, going deaf, or being hurt.

The inner surface of the
pitcher is smooth, and insects
which enter are drowned in
the water present in the bottom
of the pitcher and are
digested by enzymes secreted
by special glands in the wall

The more alone I feel, the more masochistic tendencies I develop. I want to get into a fight

Sometimes

I just want to jump off of a fucking bridge

Bittersweet

Goodbyes are never fun. Usually they hurt. But sometimes.... It's not all bad. I've never said goodbye to someone I cared about and walked away happy, until last night. It's funny. When someone tells you that you are pure, and your greatest trait is purity of being, and then walks away from your life, you'd expect to be sad. When it's someone who you realize has never let anyone but you into their heart, no matter how many people they have let into their bed, you'd expect to be devastated, but somehow I can only think about how we'll always have paris.
When one door closes, another opens...

Scanner

We had a nice conversation, until I mentioned her name.
Suddenly you had nothing to say.
You wanna know a secret?
I did it on purpose.
Because I'm jealous.
Of you and your perfect fucking life that I am not a part of.
I'm jealous of your family, your brain, your apartment, your friends and your mac. I'm jealous of your body and your life. I'm jealous of your confidence and your happiness. I wish I was more like you.

Dreams/Sickness

Hard as I try, I STILL can't get you out of my head. You still haunt my subconscious and I'm terrified of having to talk to you again. When it has to happen, I just hope I don't freak out and run away like I did in my dream.

In other news I'm sick as hell. I should be resting, but I'd rather go party and be sociable. =\ Why do I do this to myself?

Lovers and Liars

Today was one of the first days where my mind wasn't obsessed with you. I can finally focus on other things. Friends, and a new lady. I can finally find peace.
But you image still haunts me and if I ever see you again I will probably break down. Your voice could still destroy me, you pictures still make me cry, but I'm learning to deal.
Soon, you'll be out of my life forever and we'll forget all about each other. What I was once so afraid of happening I am now hoping for desperately. I want to not remember what your face looks like. The same face that I used to see plastered on every girl I saw.
Who are you again?